Dark beautiful girl

Look up and see four pail white people

and in the distance a dark beautiful

person is standing by herself smiling down.

This child will be deaf,

silence is her noise.

That dark beautiful girl strived to communicate

with this girl that would never hear.

Looking at hatred through out the family tree,

I cannot hear what is being said....

Violence is all I see.

People are laughing maybe there was a funny joke.

The sister the enemy says they're laughing at me.

A miracle has come,

the deaf child will now be able to hear.

No longer happy, content with myself

I think they're all for some reason mad at me.

How strange.

See and hear racism in the family,

although the family is mixed.

See and hear hatred and violence thinking

it was never here.

The dark beautiful girl, the sister, the best friend,

now a young lady says

Jess, it has always been this way.

So I sit here wishing I was deaf

So I could see what I wanted to hear.

***************

Wrote this in Junior High.

Letter from my Dad

Jessica,

AT the request of your church group it's our pleasure to present this letter of affirmation to you. Although I have plenty to declare, verify, avow, and otherwise brag about when it comes to the woman named Jessica ...... I'll try to concisely state our affirmation.

Your growth in adolescence required courage and hard work on your part. In the protexting and nurturing environment of your family, church, and friends you have flourished into a full-hearted, free-spirited, and daring minded woman. To all your activities as a young woman you bring the richness of your sensitivity, your intuitiveness, your generosity and trustworthiness.

You have come to understand the joy and the responsibility we have for the spiritual character of our thinking and choosing. Through prayer and perseverance your thoughts, feeling, attitudes, choices, and by these your life in Christ has advanced with each experience. As a result you treat men and women with openness, respect, acceptance and tenderness.

Your Mother and I savor the privilege of life with you. From the days of enjoying your childhood, the many camping trips and family events, to watching the hours of service to your church, your servant-leadership within Special Olympics,your volunteering to learn and sign for the deaf, your aide and ssistance to the less fortunate, you have as Mother Teresa asks, "Let no one ever come away from you, without coming away better and happier."

Your desire to follow-through based on deep personal faith in God, coupled with your gift to develop the potential for good in people has illuminated your intellect, made you more receptive to the truth, and lit up the path for many who have shared life with you. You have taken to heart the words of Mother Teresa "The fruit of prayer is a deepening of faith, and the fruit of faith is love, and the fruit of love is service."

In the Bible, service is always linked to a specific call that comes from God. For this reason, it represents the greatest fulfillment of dignity. You have responded to the churches teaching of the ideal of service, and lessons of servant leadership and the achieved a respectful balance of pride and humility. Not only has this sent a message to help others overcome the temptations of individualism and the illusion of obtaining happoness that way, it has served to uphold the dignity and rights of woman you have some in contact with.

Faith clarifies the intellect and makes for sharper discernment. St. Augustine is referring to this dynamic when he says, credo ut intelligam- "I believe in order that I may understand." With the prayerfil hope and reflection you have exercised your faith, strenghtened your prayer life and conquered fear, even in the present world situation. You have come to understand more deeply the meaning of the redemptive work of Christ.

We are extremely proud to affirm our love and admiration for you Jessica, a woman of dignity, high character, and a deep faith and a profound love of God.

With all our love,
Mom and Dad

*********************

My dad wrote this letter when I was getting confirmed for church.

I Am From

'I am from silence, muffled sounds all around me; surgeries try to fix the 'problem', now if I focus the sounds are clear.

I am from the cold dark nights, never knows what would happen next.

I am from abuse, terror and betrayal never truly understanding the meaning of love.

I am from diversity, she is black I am white. The racist people affecting my family, she is the best sister and friend you could ask for.

I am from Ireland, or Eire, green grass, religious wars, my heritage and the usual pub where all the troubles go away.

I am from Catholicism, forced to go as a child, now the ritual, the Eucharist, the feelings that bring comfort and joy.

I am from the snowy mountains, intimidating, challenging, success, all I need are my skis and I am off to find my peace.

I am from death, suicide, murder, car accidents, and war. Loved ones dying left and right. Somehow people try to make excuses although we never know why.

I am from family, so far apart. A strange thing happening with no answers, again just excuses. Now I know what happened was wrong. Yet the love that I have for them is still there.

I am from healing and change, no more Whaley I cna go to the regular school, now I am me for me, as my own.

I am from my faith, so weak at one point but how strong it has been to pull me through all the bad and the good. Without it I probably wouldn't be here. With out it the truth wouldn't be so clear.

*****

Wrote in highschool.
I remember writing this for a school assignment. I was just starting to have flashbacks of the incest that took place as a child. I was engaged at the time. I was a full time mom to my best friends son. I was getting high on a regular basis to keep up with life.

Define Ugly

Let me define Ugly

Someone who has hair that is wavy

Complextion that is bumpy

A body that is fatty

A stomach that is far from skinny

Wait a minute

Who is this girl?

Ya, that's right it's me

****************

Wrote in 5th grade

Child do Not

Child do not hit your loved ones

Are we Daddy's loved ones?

Child do not yell are your loved ones

Are we Mommy's loved ones?

Child do no put holes in the walls

Have you ever seen my walls?

Child do not throw things

Mommy and Daddy throw things

Child just pray


*******

I have always kept writings from when I was a kid. I wrote this when I was in Junior High.