Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Diseased Individual

I am a Diseased Indiviual

My body screams for anything that can harm me

A drink

A drug



These things when I use them become my drug

I cry out for them

I want the escape

When I feel that burning sensation down my chest I feel the warmth on my cold heart

When I snort that line, smoke that pipe or pop that pill my head shuts up and you no longer matter to me

When I get fucked I want more of it, again an escape something that makes me feel worthy, something that makes me feel loved

I want you, I need you!!!!

I want to feel that warmth on my heart, I want to feel that escape!!!

I need this head to shut up!!!

Love me, tell me I matter.

Now the consequences are real

Im in hand cuffs, I dont know what I did

I caused more pain, I hurt you

You were the one person I could trust

I feel the drugs pooring out of my skin

I need more, my body won't stop shaking!

Make it stop

Fuck why are you not making it better?

My disease is crying out




I know what happens when I succumb to this

I know the consequences

I know the pain

I have seen my friends die from this fucking thing

Yet I hear you whispering my name

I want to come running back to it

Maybe then they will see how bad I got

How lost I was

I remember how much all I wanted to do was DIE!!!!

Now the pain that is brought on is like I am cutting all over again.

I should run from you

I should sheild everything from you

Yet I show up and put my arms out

Cut me

Make me bleed

Tell me how you really feel

I believe you

I am sober

I am clean

I didn't cut

I am a Diseased Individual

1 comment:

  1. well done... thank you for letting me in. powerful words that scream to me and make me read on, no matter how painful.... thank you